For whatever reason, two Fridays ago my body gave me a reprieve. Yes, things had been improving in the 2-3 weeks before that but being just a step or two above misery is hardly an ideal situation. Rowan had her last competition the night before and I was not feeling great in the hours leading up to it as I struggled though getting her hair and make-up done, and let me just tell you that the hour we were stuck in a traffic jam in Minneapolis did nothing to improve that. I tried to eat something after getting her settled in the dressing room but between the nausea and nerves for how the dances would go I was fighting off the puke most of the night. After her second dance {which went awesome} my adrenaline finally kicked in and I felt better so even though it was late and most of the other kids had left, I gave in to Rowan’s pleas to stay for awards {which I’m so glad I did because she got to go up and accept the plaque for placing 6th of the top 10 dances in their bracket- she was so proud!}.
We didn’t get home until after eleven pm and by the time we got the kids down and settled in it was well after midnight and then I just couldn’t turn off so I laid awake most of the night. The next morning, we were all wiped so I let Rowan stay home from school and after Bill went off to work I was left in charge of both my kids for the first time in almost three months. Internet? We had the best day. I could tell that I felt better right away that morning but I just kept waiting for the nausea to creep back in like it normally does, but nope, I was able to enjoy the shit out of that entire day and wow, what a difference that makes. We had a picnic outside and took a sun nap. The kids rode their bikes and played baseball. I wasn’t just watching them be happy, I was participating in the happiness which is a distinction that’s hard to make unless you go through something like this where it’s just so hard to feel good about anything.
Things have still been up and down since but I’ve had a number of days that I could actually classify as “good” without any qualifiers as far as the nausea goes. The fatigue, on the other hand, is a whole other story. You know what happens to you when the only exercise you get for 12 straight weeks is crawling to the bathroom to throw-up? Your body sort of forgets how to work at anything besides fighting the puke, which is decidedly a core exercise and does nothing for the appendages. Over the last few weeks I’ve been trying to slowly build things back up by going for short walks around our block but even that exhausts me and I’m telling you, I have to sit down to catch my breath after I go up or down our stairs. Pathetic. The anemia is not helping this. I get terrible dizzy spells that sometimes verge on black-outs when I get up or try to move too fast which makes me scared to do any amount of walking/exercising while I’m alone or just with the kids- what if I black out? What would they do? {I mean besides check my pockets for loose change and head to the nearest candy store.} If I don’t stay hydrated or fed or rested my body and brain seriously just start to shut down. I feel like a flippin’ tamagachi- someone really should be regularly checking my body stats to make sure I don’t die a horrible electronic death.
Okay this is getting whiny, when the whole purpose was to talk about how things have been getting better, let’s try this…
Things I can do today that I couldn’t do a couple of weeks ago:
…drink water. If this baby comes out with an extra eyeball or two, I’m going to go ahead and blame it on the fact that up until very recently I could only stomach caffeine free diet coke. Water? PUKE. Juice? PUKE. Ginger ale? OH GOD PLEASE, DOUBLE FUCKING PUKE. People love to suggest this, along with soda crackers, like I hadn’t thought of that at this point and I want to throw cans of the shit at their face while crumbling saltines in their bed. Partly because I’m frustrated that these go-to morning sickness cure-alls didn’t do a damn thing for me and partly because I’m just a little bit of an asshole. Anyway, I started integrating flavored vitamin-fortified water into my diet a few weeks ago and now I can safely drink water or lemon water without gagging so, you know, progress.
…take a long enough shower to actually shave my legs without fear of having to jump out stark naked and soaking wet so I could dry heave into toilet. Oh my shit you guys. My legs had never reached such epic hairy proportions. I’m one of those assholes who always had fine, blond leg hair that needed shaving one, maybe two times a week if I was feeling ambitious, but this time the pregnancy hormones brought out the thick, dark, wiry leg hair and I very seriously considered ordering a machete online to get rid of it after weeks and weeks of going untamed. I admit to being a little bit of a hippie but long leg hair? Not for me. Just no.
…pick Keaton up from preschool. Seeing him run out to the car with a big smile is one of my favorite things of always.
…feed my kids lunch. Admittedly, Bill makes the lunches in the morning and so I just tell Keaton {and Rowan if she’s home} to get it out of the fridge and I’m just in charge of drinks, but it’s a start. My sense of smell is still so incredibly heightened that just being able to smell their lunch is impressive at this point.
… go for a walk around the block with my family. Watching Rowan ride her two-wheeler is still just not getting old. When I think of how far she has come in the last year…well, it’s just amazing.
…eat pickles and nachos and rainbow sherbert without having to thoughtfully ponder what they will taste/feel like coming back up. I admit to not feeling awesome after consuming any of these but at least I have the option to make dumb-ass food choices that I didn’t have a week or so ago.
…integrate small amounts of coffee back into my morning routine. I’m not going to lie. This has made a HUMONGOUS difference. I weaned off coffee while trying to get pregnant because some study or other showed the acids in it could contribute to early miscarriage, but since all the sciencey people are in agreement that once you’re safely in your second trimester coffee is just fine, I dove head first into a small 4 ounce cup last week and have been in heaven ever since.
Friday I had my 17 week OB appointment where my main concern was not feeling the baby much at this point. Like I said before, Rowan and Keaton were early wigglers which is why I opted out of buying an at-home doppler so of course this time Sammy Davis Junior Junior is not being wiggly at all. After finding a strong, healthy heart beat, my midwife guessed that this is probably because the placenta is hanging out in the front of my uterus this time around, causing a barrier to the kicks that will no doubt be felt in full force from 1-4am every night of my third trimester.
Other than that, she recommended some books on unmedicated birth options {no need to tell me I’m an idiot, I’m already fully aware of that fact} and we set up the ultrasound for next month, which will hopefully tell us if in a few years I’ll be vacuuming up tiny princess shoes or having to sit through that goddamn Jar Jar Binks Star Wars for the 3,985th time.
So! Onward. I can’t explain why my hormones finally decided to level off, or why the medication decided it was going to start taking full effect but honestly, I don’t care. Being able to take care of the kids again has been huge and while I’m definitely not 100%, I feel like a functioning human being again which is, you know, kind of important.
















